I'm just going to say it.

I've crossed to the other side. I've decided I'm on Team Jacob now.

I've been leaning this way for quite a while but felt like a dirty old lady since the kid is not even legal. But I've realized while watching trailers of "New Moon" I'm not that bad... The inner dialogue goes something like this: "Man, if I were still in high school I'd be ALL OVER that!"

Since even in my own inner dialogue I add the "if I were in high school" caveat I feel sane. Not like I'm a 33, almost 34 year old woman pining after some not-even-legal kid. I'm merely acknowledging that I would be highly attracted to him IF I were in his proper age group.

Considering who I was dating when I was 16 (a safe, appropriate age for someone to be dating a 17 year old...) this is kinda funny. DY was a blond, tall, skinny trumpet player. I believe after him came MacGuyver - a football center.

Ok, after taking a quick trip down memory lane I dated both"Edwards" and "Jacobs". And since I would call my hubby a cross between the two I supposed I could safely claim either team!

THIS is why!!!

Have you heard the big news?? Oprah will be ending her show in 2011 after 25 long, productive years!!

I heart O! I watched her in college and then went on a watching hiatus due to having a real job and not home during the 4pm witching hour. However, for the last few years, and the addition of our DVR, I have picked up where I left off watching. It's like I never left. *sigh*

Since I watch the show I sometimes check out the website. Apparently this week they did a "Make Over my Man" segment. (I haven't watched it yet. I usually catch up on Saturday mornings when the hubby is still in bed.) I saw this brief, simple list of items men must have in their wardrobe.

See, I hate clothes. Not wearing them, mind you. I'm not comfortable going around in public naked. But I hate looking for, trying on and buying clothes. However, I could handle this list for men's clothes!

I "get" men's clothes. I understand how to dress a man. Myself? Not so much....

What's wrong with this pictures???

Why is everyone concerned but me??

If you don't already know I should explain, briefly, my relationship with my mother. I guess I would say we are estranged. Trying to keep it brief - obviously there is quite the history here but most recently (as an adult) I have set boundaries that she refuses to acknowledge. Or maybe is incapable of acknowledging. Either way, I have decided I'm an adult and if anyone, parents included, cannot act appropriately then I have a right to to put my emotional (and my marriage) well-being first.

This Thanksgiving the hubby and I are going to my Aunt's "Martha's" house for dinner. Her family will be there as well as my Aunt Newlywed and her family. AM mentioned that every year she invites my mom but she doesn't come. (My relatives have similar issues with my mother. We all lover her but she's an emotional train wreck to anyone near her.) But aside from her issues that's no reason not to invite her.

Last night AM called sounding very concerned. She informed me that my mother and her new husband are eating dinner with someone that lives 20 minutes from my Aunt and decided they would come to her house for dessert. AM seemed to be treading lightly while telling me this. I think she anticipated me being upset.

I wasn't. I am well aware there was the possibility of my mother being there. I don't not want to see her. I'm just not going to go out of my way to see her. At this point in my life she is just another person I know. That's really it. Frankly I think I seem to handle situations with her fine. Over the past few years I've come to terms with that part of my life. I certainly think I can handle dessert with her and her new husband.

Now, if you're reading this and something to the effect of "she's going to regret not having a relationship with her mother" or some similar thought is going through your head please stop. The situation is much more complex than I've outlined here. Some people are so toxic that regardless of their relationship to you it is best to hold them at arms length.

I just hope that maybe this will be a turning point. That she realizes all the rest of us have a warm and loving relationship with each other and not her. Maybe this time she'll be ready to admit/ accept that there is something that she needs to change, and not tell everyone else they are the problem, and that she'll seek help for it.

But I'm not holding my breath. I anticipate this will be the way things will be from now on. And I'm ok with that.

A little embarrassed...

I have always prided myself on having a strong stomach. Things that don't bother me but appear to bother others:
- cat puke (or anything that comes out of a cat)
- blood
- medical shows on TV. (I even literally stood over the should of Dr. K, a neurosurgeon, during brain surgery once and was completely fine.)
- my dog eating his puke or rabbit poo (before we can get him to stop)

Ok, I'm starting to see a trend here:
- vomit of any kind, animal or human
- poo of any kind, animal or human
- bloody scenarios, scrape, surgery, you name it (in person or TV)

Since I've always been enamored with all things medical I'm the one that likes to watch procedures. I don't mind watching when they plunge the needle in during my blood donation. Getting stitches, taking them out..

You get the idea.

So I've become a little worried lately.

It appears my stomach is weakening.

Years ago I was mountain biking and got a rock in my knee. I remember my stomach doing a little flip as I was trying to dig out said rock. Turns out I was trying to push it out in the wrong direction so I figured that's why my body reacted that way. I was actually pushing the rock further into my knee. (For those concerned citizens out there - I eventually realized my mistake and did properly remove the rock.)

However two weeks ago I was at the GYN having a procedure done. It was painful. So painful, in fact, that I broke out into a sweat, got light headed and thought I was going to lose my breakfast. (a large breakfast at that...) They had to do the whole "lay back, let me get you juice" routine. I was embarrassed. I have NEVER fainted. It took me so long to recover that the nurse was concerned. She considered calling my husband to come get me but I assured her I only lived about two miles away and I could make it. She called me an hour later just to make sure.

I chalked that up to "girl pain". Ok - so I don't handle "girl pain" well. I'll remember that one.

Today I had to get out stitches from a mole removed on the back of my calf. I watched the nurse take out the stitches. All whooping three of them. No big deal.

Then I felt my stomach start to churn. "I'm a bit embarrassed to ask, but could you get me a cup of water? I don't feel so well."

I laid back, closed my eyes and thought positive thoughts until she returned with the water. I few sips later I was feeling better and left without incident.

But this has me wondering - is it just experiencing something on myself that gets me sick now?? Honestly I had thought about going back to school to become a PA but maybe I should rethink this. (that and I'm waiting to see how health care reimbursement pans out. I'm not spending time and money on a new degree if they can't get the health care system fixed....)

WHY???

Can someone remind me why I decided I was going to run a HM?? 'Cuz I can't remember.

I ran 10 miles yesterday!! (hurray for me!) The first 4 miles sucked because I was having calf pain. But it was a cramping kinda thing so I ran through it and it eventually went away. Around mile 6 or 7 I started to feel a hot spot on my arches... I ran through that too. I don't like doing things through pain, and to finish sometimes that's just what you have to do. Not like "I broke my leg" kind of pain, of course. But you get the idea.

I was pretty excited since I ran the whole time and my knees and hips did not give my any issues! Whoo hoo!!

Sure enough when I got home I saw I had developed a small blister on the arch of my left foot and a large blister UNDER the callus (on my arch) on my right foot. Yes folks - I have calluses in places where calluses should never be.

Then I got in the shower. I'll spare you the deets, but let's say that I had developed a "significant hotspot" in an unmentionable place. I didn't notice it until the water started running on it and it started to sting.

I'm now asking myself "why"? Why did I decide to do this? And why do I continue to run with arch calluses and blisters... and other "issues"??? This is just not natural!

But then I remember when I started rowing my hands were covered in terrible bloody blisters. In rowing that is considered a rite of passage. If you don't get blisters when you first start to row (prior to them becoming calluses) you're not trying hard enough. It's the price you pay to join the elite club called "rowers".

So I will, for now, assume that these blisters and "hotspots" are the price to pay before you can join the "running club".

Shitty initiation fee, if you ask me...

Mortality.

My dad's younger brother died of a heart attack a few months ago. He was about 51. Dad called me a few minutes ago to tell me his older brother was found dead in his chair last night. I think he was about 65. Dad's dad had his first heart attack at 52 and died at 56. See a trend?

My dad is the last surviving male in his family. He's 60.

Dad's mom died 2 years ago at 86. And dad's sister, the oldest of the siblings, is still alive. I believe she's in her late 60's. Appears the women seem to fare ok.

If you know me you know that I'm very close to my dad. This information is quite the wake up call. For years I've always kept tabs on dad's health. (and he on mine) He seems to be in fairly good health but the thought of him dying young has always haunted me.

I guess you never know when you're going to lose someone. I always assumed my family had used up their ration of car accidents. Even though, one of us could be in yet another horrific car accident and die tomorrow.

But, leave it to me to start worrying about something I can't control. That's what I do! Get myself all twisted in a pickle worrying about things I can't control or things that have yet to happen - something that might happen...

Now where did I put those big girl panties???

Bummed...

Since I've started running I get bouts of sore knees and hips. So, I looked it up on some running sites to see what is going on and how to prevent it.

All the sites tell me in order to make my knees and hips feel better I need to lose weight! Well, what the hell do they think I'm running for?!?!

The last few days I've been a bit bummed out. I've been doing all this running and miraculously ended up GAINING 5 pounds. Which I'm sure is not helping the knees and hips.....

The few friends I've told have all responded with the same thing:

"You're gaining muscle!"

Bullshit... Thanks but that's the nice answer for "I have no idea why your butt continues to grow and why you've developed a muffin top!"

However I shouldn't be surprised at the gain. I realize my usual ritual is to do my run, stretch, take a few sips of water and.... oooooh!! Wine!!!!!

Or it might vary slightly..... oooooh!! Sam Adams Octoberfest!!!!!!!

Or..... oooohh!! Bloody Mary!!

Do you see a pattern?

I think I could probably curb this weight gaining thing by cutting out the alcohol. But as Canada Girl told me "C'mon! Don't be a quitter!!!"

I have a real dilemma....

NOT Excited.....

In trying to keep myself from getting ran over while running in the dark I have been keeping you apprised of my various attempts to be better seen in the dark.

It started with a red blinking light on the back of my hat.

Then came, in addition to the previous, a head lamp on the front of my hat.

But I still really didn't feel very secure. Thankfully I didn't have any close calls with any vehicles, but I was afraid it was only a matter of time.

I looked into jackets and vests that have that hi-viz reflective material on them. These jackets for runners look cool. Some are even black - but when they come into contact with headlights they light up like the Christmas tree in town center.

However they are quite expensive. The jackets are between $80 - $100+ and the vests are even $60. I just couldn't bring myself to pay that kind of money since I just made that huge investment into my Garmin. I was going to have to find a cheaper alternative.

Since I was essentially out of places on my body to comfortably attach a light (and almost out of lights) I decided to break down and get one of the reflective "bibs". Just a basic vest that Velcros around your chest. I could swing $20.

The problem: they look stupid.

I'm no fashion bunny - but if I'm going to try to look good, I'd rather spend money to look good working out rather than on clothes to wear to work. (See my priorities??) Alas, I was just out of money.

So last week I went running and it was only 38 degrees outside. (Thankfully NOT raining anymore!)

Long running pants - check!
Proper sports bra (keep them girls comfy) - check!!
Moisture tech tank top for layering - check!!!
Moisture tech long sleeve 1/2 zip mock - check!!!!
Light windbreaker running jacket (purchased on sierra trading post years ago!!) - check!!!!!
Light gloves - check!!!!!!
Stupid-ass reflective bib - check.....

The baseball hat wasn't going to work. I needed to cover my ears. The hubby got me his fleece headband-y thing. I thought it was mine.... Turned out it's not - or isn't anymore, when I put it on my head and it fell down to my neck. Hubby stretched it out. The only other hat I had... well, it matched a scarf I got last year at Disney...

I grabbed the head lamp to go over the hat. I needed it to see - not for safety purposes.

But I don't think anyone was going to miss me on my run.

Talk about feeling stupid... I was not thrilled. Which the hubby was good enough to capture:

But for you moms out there, I will admit I was comfortable and safe.

But I still looked like an idiot....

SNOW!!

Yep. First snow of the season. It's supposed to be in the 50's this weekend so it'll be gone. But still!! I wouldn't mind it so much if I didn't have to run in it.... I knew I'd be doing a good portion of my HM training on a treadmill. That is until I tried to do a tempo run on a treadmill. It sucked!!! A long steady piece I can do inside but not the others. I'd rather be freezing my arse off outside than be on the stupid hamster wheel.


And I bought a reflective bib for running in the dark. I'll try it out tonight and see how utterly stupid I look....

Funny lookin' somethin'

About a year ago I noticed something on the back of my right calf that appeared to be an ingrown hair. Kinda raised and that weird blueish gray color. Being the picker that I am, I decided about 4 or 5 months ago that it needed to come out.

Yes, I'm a dermatologists worst nightmare. I'm a picker. Armed with fingernails and alcoholed manicure implements I descended on the bump for removal. I know - my tools aren't exactly physician-like but they get the job done.

A month later I noticed it was healing but raised. Weird. It was also white. Also weird. I picked at it again and essentially dig it out. again....

Another month later I noticed it was still healing but raised again. Almost like there was fluid in it. Huh. I grabbed a carpenters knife blade (it was brand new and alcoholed too) and lanced it. The hubby was not in favor of this idea. But really - it's my calf, not his.

Healed back raised again. I finally called the dermatologist and got in in THREE DAYS! That's unheard of. (I got a lucky cancellation!! Otherwise I couldn't get in until APRIL!!) This morning the derm said she couldn't tell exactly what it was due to the trauma it had been through. (me pickin' the hell out of it) but she decided to take that thing right off!! Right there! Right now!

Whoo hoo! I didn't have to make another appointment to come back and get it done. That's fabulous!! She numbed it up, removed it and double stitched me up! (cuz I told her I run and I really didn't want the scar to pull...) I go back in two weeks to get the stitches out. That's it!!

Now most of you guys do a good job of keeping yourselves healthy. But if you've found something that looks weird or if there is any other reason you've been putting off going to the doctor - JUST DO IT! Just go. Don't let it linger. You never know what might be going on. (you know I'm talking to you MH....; )

Back at it

Last night KVeg and I hit the weight room for the first time since the spring. I had mixed feelings about it. I love lifting BUT I was afraid it might hinder the training for the half marathon. And the reason I worry about hindering training is because I have already spent big $$ for the entry fee AND a plane ticket to AZ. So I don't want to do something to myself that might cause me to not make the trip....

A few days ago I was at the grocery store (don't worry - this will eventually tie back into weight lifting...) and I noticed they started carrying roasted garlic cloves on the olive bar! YUMMMM! So I got about a cup full and a bag-o-crackers. I headed home and immediately started to chow down.

OMG it was good!

Later that night in bed - don't worry, DEFINITELY no sex story here - the garlic "caught up with me". In a "about lit the blankets on fire" kind of way. I made the hubby gag. Really it was that bad.

side note to MH - see. we don't hold back at our house. I don't know how you do it...

Well I had more yesterday at lunch - BUT preceded it with a few caplets of Beano. I figured I was in the clear. But no - I was having serious gas pains as I was changing in the locker room at the gym that night.

Uh oh.

I told KVeg that if I accidentally farted while lifting to expect me to immediately leave the area and to NEVER return to the gym again. *and to watch out - I wouldn't be past trying to blame it on her. she is vegan after all... I'm thinking she ingests lots of roughage.*

Well, I made through the session without any embarrassing trumpet fanfare. But towards the end of the workout KVeg leaned over and said "I hate to break it to you but you really REEK of garlic".

Oooops. Good thing I wasn't trying to pick up guys. I'm thinking garlic-y sweat is a HUGE turnoff.

What have I done???

I got Lossie hooked on Twilight...

The week after she visited me she texted that she'd already spent $70 on Twilight stuff. She doesn't know whether to thank me or curse me....

And now she just forwarded a SEXY!!!!! photo shoot of Edwa... uh, I mean, Robert Pattinson in Vanity Fair!

HOT!

I don't care what you think - he's one sexy vamp!

Delimma...

Hmmm... Last night I ran 6 miles. Ok, I definitely would not call that particularly attempt "running". More like a fast hobble.

The middle 4 miles were supposed to be run at about my race pace I have set for this half marathon. Well, let's say last night didn't go so well. Which part of my brain says is ok - not every run is going to go great. But the problem is - it went really badly!

How does one get home after a 6 mile run and feel like a lead weight, fat, gross and uncoordinated?? Aren't I supposed to feel GOOD after a run - especially SIX MILES!! ('cuz folks, that's a lot for me!)

So, remember that fancy, dancy expensive Garmin I bought? Well it has this great little feature that allows you to have it alarm, vibrate or both. I had it set up to do both. Notice the "HAD"...

So I had programmed my little workout in the watch for last night. Cool, eh? I thought so.
First mile - no pace (warm up)
miles 2-5 - pace between 9:04 and 9:10
Last mile - no pace (cool down)

So I beebopped down the street to my first mile. I was feeling tight, sluggish. I didn't worry -I just needed to warm up! Then the watch beeped and vibrated to let me know I was "on" for the next 4 miles. I picked up the speed but it was like I was running through molasses. I'd glance at the watch every once in a while.
9:15
9:22
9:20
9:25

Not my target by far. But I figured it was better to go the whole distance slow than to stop it altogether. I was just having a serious "off" night!

I'm concentrating on trying to get my pace up. My knees are starting to get sore (not hurt, mind you) and the outsides of my shins are burning. (don't know what that is! not shin splints!) I feel my watch vibrate (can't hear it due to the ipod...) I figure I finished mile 2.

10 seconds later it vibrates again. I glance down to see the face lite up. I see my pace has dropped to 9:39. But in my oxygen deprived state I can't determine why it's vibrating. I figure sometimes it beeps/ vibrates as I'm approaching a marker. Like it'll beep every 100 feet the last 500 feet of the mile. I just figured that's what it was doing.

I keep running. 10 seconds later it's vibrating again.

I keep running. 10 seconds later it's vibrating again.

...repeat for a mile and a half!

I'm getting P-I-S-T, pissed! I know I'm jogging slow, I'm tired, I'm cranky. I'm mad that this run is turning into such a ball-o-crap! I just want to get home. So why in the HELL is my watch "yelling" at me!!!!

I'm so mad at the watch I'm really thinking of taking it off an chucking it in the lake. Really.

Then I remembered how much I paid for it...

I finally look down and really focus on what it's trying to tell me.

That bastard!! It's flashing a box in the middle that says:

RUN FASTER!

Well screw you, Garmin! I'm trying my damnedest. I don't need you to throw it back in my face!!

Yes folks, the WATCH was telling me to run faster. Apparently it has some time cushion built in based on the pace you want to run. It will tell you to either "slow down" or "run faster"!! Let's say I usually don't see the "slow down" screen often...

Well, now that I see what it's saying I'm SUPER PIST! I finally stop my run, right there in the middle of the road, and start going through the menus to turn the frickin' vibration off. I've had it. AND I still have 3 miles left!

The rest of the run I was MORE cranky and MORE sluggish. I swear I just gained 40 pounds in the middle of the run. But I did finish. I walked into the house all cranky.

I thought running six miles was supposed to make you feel good!!!!

Help from a friend

Neda's been reading my posts and I'm pretty sure laughing at me!! It's ok, I can handle it! : )

But to show what a great friend she is she has tried to help my Twilight obsession. Check this out.

Yes, Neda. Hugh will do just nicely! Thanks!!!!

Reality Check

Ok, y'all know I'm a Twilight groupie. And I'm really starting to have doubts as to whether I'm going to stay on "Team Edward"... "Team Jacob" is lookin' mighty hot these days!!!

But let's get real. The kid that plays Jacob is only 17. So moving to "Team Jacob", although all just-for-fun to begin with, still seems a little creepy seeing as how I could technically be his mother.

Ewwww... that last statement sent me over the holy-shit-I'm-getting-old edge!

Ok, what was I sayin'? Oh, right. Taylor Lautner is only 17. Which is also why I think they haven't made a "Jacob is a WILF" shirt, in my opinion.

But I digress. again.

I was scrolling through tmz.com today ('cuz I have nothing better to do) and was readin' up on my latest gossip.

Did you know that Taylor Swift and Taylor Lautner appear to have gone on a date or two?!?!

Oh sorry... "something shiny..." (as she points in the opposite direction and gets distracted. AGAIN!)

So, on this site they actually have a countdown ticker with a picture of Taylor L. that says
"XXX Days: XXHours : XXMinutes: XX Seconds until 18 & legal"!!

Even I recognize that's gross.
WAY over the top!

Somebody quick - get me a photo of Hugh Jackman... or at least someone more appropriate for me to swoon over!!