*tear*

It's not a good time to be a furry friend in our house.

About a month ago Nicole Joan (aka Nikki; aka, Radar; aka Sweet Pea; aka Granny Panties; aka... you get the idea..) had a slew of issues in one week that we later found out amounted to a mini-stroke.  Apparently the blood clot dissolved on its own.

Good news, right?!

Well, in the three weeks since she first appeared to get better.  At least better than she'd been that first terrifying week.  But everything was different.  We now had to make and feed her a special diet (rice and either browned ground beef or chicken).  We had to figure inventive ways to give her the meds she used to take with no issues.  This eventually turned into putting the meds into a cocktail weenie and shoving down her throat.  She hated it.  I hated it even more.  I would think it's like doing something similar to a baby.  It makes them cry (or worse), you hate doing it but you know it's going to make them better. But they don't understand. The worse part of the medication routine was that it wasn't just a series of antibiotics or something.  This was going to be our new "regular" routine.

Last week the hubby was out of town for work.  I took the cats in for a routine check up.  Jax, FIV+ kitty, had a severely abscessed tooth.  Four teeth needed to be removed.  I decided to do it ASAP because I figured he was in a lot of pain.  That was a mistake for me.  I was a little over my head in trying to take care of everyone on my own.  I admit - there was a lot of frustration, sadness and tears.  It's very upsetting to see your beloved doggie decline before your eyes, refuse to take her medication, and have to force feed it to her.  All the while try to medicate a cat by sneaking it in soft food while trying to keep the other cats out of it (and the dog).  Of course I started putting the dog meds in soft cat food so that helped a little but there was still one pill that she refused to take in any form.  So I still had to wrestle with her twice a day.  Very sad indeed.

All the changes in Nikki appeared to be neurologically related to her stroke.  She had marked weakness in her back end and looked to be in considerably more pain.  She had also developed GI issues that stemmed from her brain not communicating with the rest of her body.  This all in addition to the regular old aches and pains of almost being 15.  It was clear she had no quality of life. 

I really hate having to make these kinds of decisions.  Why don't animals just die on their own anymore???  Why couldn't we have woken up one morning to a dog that had peacefully died in her sleep?  Not only is it heart wrenching but the fact that we JUST went through this three months ago was almost unbearable.  And just a little over a year ago we had to make the same decision for our Cabby cat!  Ugh!! 

Since we obviously have had old dogs for a while (so it's no surprise that we are now dog-less) people have asked if we're going to get a new dog.  I say no.  At least not for another 10 - 15 years.  I just can't do it.  I know people will tell you to get another dog soon.  But I can't.  I just can't do it.

I apologize for such a "downer" post.  But this past month has been quite the emotional roller coaster.  Frankly the past few months has been a doggie emotional roller coaster.  I needed to do a little emotional cleansing.  Thanks for listening.