so far I've been lucky that only my friends have read my blog (ok - that I know about...). I don't generally give out the address so very few people come and visit. I like that. I've one or two "commenting incidents" I've had were just comment spam. That's about it.
Today I got an anonymous comment on an old post from the summer. Sexy Toes. Apparently someone thinks my toes are really sexy and wants to suck on them. I named my post that sarcastically 'cuz we all know my feet ain't pretty - I got monkey toes, y'all.
I have a good sense of humor and all but that was a bit creepy. So, if you're one of my friends who posted that trying to be funny - ha, ha. Nevertheless, from now on you have to be registered to leave comments on my blog.
Just sayin' - gotta keep myself safe. Did anyone else watch Oprah this week??? I'm going out and buying the book *Gift of Fear* - for real!
Thursday, January 31, 2008
Monday, January 28, 2008
Mystery Partially solved
Ok, so I was in Wally world yesterday picking up butterfly bandages cuz I damn near cut my thumb off.
KL - are you reading this? Good -because I didn't say anything when you and Mike were over but when I was making the chocolate fondue I sliced the SHIT out of my thumb. Don't worry. You know when you cut yourself REALLY bad and there's that period of time between when you cut yourself and when the gushing of blood starts? What is it? like 5 seconds? Well in that period of time I was lucid enough to step away from the counter, grab a napkin and keep the food stuff safe.
In those few seconds I was thinking "shit, does this need stitches?? Here we just had a GREAT dinner (BTW - for everyone else, Mike and KL took me and David out for my bday to a great place, Crotch & Sirloin. Oh, I mean Scotch and Sirloin.) and I might have to go to Urgent Care. Fabulous...."
Want to know when this was all happening? Remember when David was looking for the fondue pot fuel and couldn't find it? I was telling him not to worry about it? I was telling him not to worry about it because I had just damn near chopped my thumb off, that's why. I had better things to worry about at the moment.
ANYWAY - I went to Wally World to get butterflies (in lieu of stitches, which I'm sure would have been overkill) and at the end of the bandage aisle is the sex lube/massage oil and other "items". Curiously, though, not the condoms. Go figure.
As I passed the lube I caught, just out of the corner of my eye, "Vibrating condom"!!! I stopped. I couldn't resist. Seems there are several brands that are touting vibrating condoms. I picked up a package and started reading. In short it's a cock ring with a itsy-bitsy vibrator on top that fits over said male genitalia once the condom is on. I suppose it's run with a battery. I didn't keep on reading. I'm still a little embarrassed by such things.
Give me a catalog or a web page and I'll browse and order 'til the end of time - just don't make me stand in the middle of the aisle of Wally World (in my neighborhood!!) and read the back of packages for hours!! I figure the research I did was enough.
There - I kinda solved the mystery. It's not a condom with vibration built-in per se. All my single friends - you just wait (SP, YP... ; ) Who am I kidding.... even the not-single ones! Watch out!! I'm not afraid to buy it!!!! (I'll just run in, grab whatever I see first and run out. No telling what you're going to get.... ; )
BTW - today is my BIRTHDAY!!! YEAH!!! I'm thirty -something....
KL - are you reading this? Good -because I didn't say anything when you and Mike were over but when I was making the chocolate fondue I sliced the SHIT out of my thumb. Don't worry. You know when you cut yourself REALLY bad and there's that period of time between when you cut yourself and when the gushing of blood starts? What is it? like 5 seconds? Well in that period of time I was lucid enough to step away from the counter, grab a napkin and keep the food stuff safe.
In those few seconds I was thinking "shit, does this need stitches?? Here we just had a GREAT dinner (BTW - for everyone else, Mike and KL took me and David out for my bday to a great place, Crotch & Sirloin. Oh, I mean Scotch and Sirloin.) and I might have to go to Urgent Care. Fabulous...."
Want to know when this was all happening? Remember when David was looking for the fondue pot fuel and couldn't find it? I was telling him not to worry about it? I was telling him not to worry about it because I had just damn near chopped my thumb off, that's why. I had better things to worry about at the moment.
ANYWAY - I went to Wally World to get butterflies (in lieu of stitches, which I'm sure would have been overkill) and at the end of the bandage aisle is the sex lube/massage oil and other "items". Curiously, though, not the condoms. Go figure.
As I passed the lube I caught, just out of the corner of my eye, "Vibrating condom"!!! I stopped. I couldn't resist. Seems there are several brands that are touting vibrating condoms. I picked up a package and started reading. In short it's a cock ring with a itsy-bitsy vibrator on top that fits over said male genitalia once the condom is on. I suppose it's run with a battery. I didn't keep on reading. I'm still a little embarrassed by such things.
Give me a catalog or a web page and I'll browse and order 'til the end of time - just don't make me stand in the middle of the aisle of Wally World (in my neighborhood!!) and read the back of packages for hours!! I figure the research I did was enough.
There - I kinda solved the mystery. It's not a condom with vibration built-in per se. All my single friends - you just wait (SP, YP... ; ) Who am I kidding.... even the not-single ones! Watch out!! I'm not afraid to buy it!!!! (I'll just run in, grab whatever I see first and run out. No telling what you're going to get.... ; )
BTW - today is my BIRTHDAY!!! YEAH!!! I'm thirty -something....
Friday, January 25, 2008
Oops
Madhatter just brought to my attention that it has been WAY too long since my last entry. And to make matters worse, the new guy hasn't even started yet. Doesn't even start until Monday... I feel ashamed...
So Tuesday some of the girls came over to celebrate my bday early (cuz that's when we all could get together). Leave it to them to provide interesting entertainment.
No, no. not THAT kind of entertainment. Men did not leave my house with a paycheck, if that's what crossed your mind. (dirty blog readers....)
Gifts did range from appropriate: Lena, with the help of her boys, got me some new games!!!. Becca got me this cool waterproof roll-bag for my ipod and another "kerchief" to add to my collection. If you don't know about my bandanna-wearin' self read here.
(PLEASE - will one of my friends from the south PLEASE tell Lena to stop calling it a do-rag!!! She's from Jersey and keeps calling them do-rags. I keep telling her that a do-rag is something else COMPLETELY! She totally disagrees. Will somebody back me up on this!!!)
And then there were the gifts you wouldn't necessarily show your grandma (depending on what kind of grandma you have). Yana and her, um, pen holder. Not just any pen holder. An old man butt pen holder, where your pen is held, um, in his butt. And every time you stick your pen in said holder position the old man reacts with, um, reactions. And the playboy bunny mug that Yana also got me. That's another long story I don't have time for here. And Sara with her "early Valentine's Day" gift pack. To list a few things in said gift pack: furry handcuffs, matching "spanking thingy", "fun dice", chocolate coconut bubble bath, lotion... you get the picture.....
Just wait until David gets home from his business trip and sees all this on the dining room table...
And then there was the conversation about someone hearing about Wal-mart selling vibrating condoms. Do they really??? Can anyone else verify this??? Is it battery operated?? If so how does that work?? Considering those of us at the table constitute a pretty intelligent group (civil engineer, physicians assistant, jack of ALL trades, graphic designer-to be architect, MBA) a very involved discussed ensued. We still couldn't figure it out - although we came up with some good ideas.
They thought I should do a product review on it - like I did the Veet with squeegee... I know I tell you guys a lot but I'm not willing to cross the line into my sex life... sorry... go find some young, perky, single thing to that for ya.
So Tuesday some of the girls came over to celebrate my bday early (cuz that's when we all could get together). Leave it to them to provide interesting entertainment.
No, no. not THAT kind of entertainment. Men did not leave my house with a paycheck, if that's what crossed your mind. (dirty blog readers....)
Gifts did range from appropriate: Lena, with the help of her boys, got me some new games!!!. Becca got me this cool waterproof roll-bag for my ipod and another "kerchief" to add to my collection. If you don't know about my bandanna-wearin' self read here.
(PLEASE - will one of my friends from the south PLEASE tell Lena to stop calling it a do-rag!!! She's from Jersey and keeps calling them do-rags. I keep telling her that a do-rag is something else COMPLETELY! She totally disagrees. Will somebody back me up on this!!!)
And then there were the gifts you wouldn't necessarily show your grandma (depending on what kind of grandma you have). Yana and her, um, pen holder. Not just any pen holder. An old man butt pen holder, where your pen is held, um, in his butt. And every time you stick your pen in said holder position the old man reacts with, um, reactions. And the playboy bunny mug that Yana also got me. That's another long story I don't have time for here. And Sara with her "early Valentine's Day" gift pack. To list a few things in said gift pack: furry handcuffs, matching "spanking thingy", "fun dice", chocolate coconut bubble bath, lotion... you get the picture.....
Just wait until David gets home from his business trip and sees all this on the dining room table...
And then there was the conversation about someone hearing about Wal-mart selling vibrating condoms. Do they really??? Can anyone else verify this??? Is it battery operated?? If so how does that work?? Considering those of us at the table constitute a pretty intelligent group (civil engineer, physicians assistant, jack of ALL trades, graphic designer-to be architect, MBA) a very involved discussed ensued. We still couldn't figure it out - although we came up with some good ideas.
They thought I should do a product review on it - like I did the Veet with squeegee... I know I tell you guys a lot but I'm not willing to cross the line into my sex life... sorry... go find some young, perky, single thing to that for ya.
Monday, January 14, 2008
slow goin'
just a heads up - the posts might get a bit slow going as work picks up a bit. and then again they may not - work might provide me with blogging fodder. We'll have to wait and see.
See, SB's "last day" was the 11th. I say "last day" but she's still working under contract for a few weeks until her student teaching gets under way at the end of the month. We just don't really let people go here. Her replacement, RR, starts the 28th, which also happens to be my birthday. Did I mention that RR is a "he", in an office of "she's"?? Ok, my boss is a "he" - but he keeps to himself and is the head honcho. And the rest of the "she's", oh and the new "he", reports to me.
Org chart: He-> me-> to the rest of the she's(2) and he.
See, SB's "last day" was the 11th. I say "last day" but she's still working under contract for a few weeks until her student teaching gets under way at the end of the month. We just don't really let people go here. Her replacement, RR, starts the 28th, which also happens to be my birthday. Did I mention that RR is a "he", in an office of "she's"?? Ok, my boss is a "he" - but he keeps to himself and is the head honcho. And the rest of the "she's", oh and the new "he", reports to me.
Org chart: He-> me-> to the rest of the she's(2) and he.
For a grand total of 5 of us in the office. There's actually another "he" parallel to my boss but he's only in the office about 10-15 days a year so technically there's 6 of us in our office. The "she's" (me included) used to way outnumber the "he's" in the office.... but now it's getting closer....
This will be interesting to see if/ how the dyanamic changes....
Tuesday, January 08, 2008
Veet fiasco Part II
Remember my "shaving incident"???
And then remember the not-so-positive Veet product review?
Well, you know I'm cheap and that Veet cost me almost TEN bucks!! So even though it sucked I wasn't just going to toss it (although in retrospect I should have...) Well, I thought I found a use for it this past weekend.
Time to 'fess up. Here it was, January 5th, and I hadn't shaved - anything- legs, pits, nothing - since Christmas Eve. Yep. It's official. I'm disgusting. Go ahead, send sympathy cards to my husband. I won't be upset. I'll remind you too, I'm a brunette. A real one. That hair was so long it wasn't even sticking out anymore. It was starting to lay flat. I'll stop - I know I'm grossing you out.
Now you men and other brunettes know you can't just go whacking that shit off with a razor. It has to be trimmed first. I should note here that the last time I shaved before Christmas Eve was December 14th - the day of my surgery. I know, gross again. On Christmas Eve I DID try to just shave it off. I damn near set my leg on fire with razor burn. This is how I know you can't just shave it off.
I digress - So I decided "ah ha!" I'll get out that Veet and at least soften it up a bit. Perfect! I'm not lookin' to get it all off. My plan was to 1) remove pants 2) apply Veet 3) wait appropriate amount of time 4) jump into shower 5) remove with squeegee doo-hicky thingy 6) continue on with normal shower and shave as usual.
Sounds easy, right?
Wrong.
At the time I had on pajama pants and thermal DMB shirt. I removed pants but kept on top - it was cold!!! I picked up Veet can, held with right hand and proceeded to spray into left hand. Except it didn't go into my hand! It sprayed up and all over my sleeve of my DMB shirt and then into my hand! AH!!!
me: David!!!! get in here!!!!!
D: (running breathlessly into bathroom) what's wrong? (looking around, trying to assess situation)
D: why don't you have on any pants?
me: never mind!!! (with now a handful of Veet CHEMICALS!! trying to figure out plan) I need help!!
D: what do you want me to do?
me: ok, ok, ok.... ok. (wiping handful of Veet onto leg, thinking) I'm going to take this shirt off and I need you to take it downstairs and start a load of laundry with it, ok? I don't want it ruining my shirt.
D: ok
me: here's the problem. I have to get this off because in 6 minutes I'm going to have a MAJOR chemical burn problem! got it??!!! I need you to hit the start on my watch - I'm still going to time this.
D: got it! (he fumbles with my watch trying to get timer started.)
Now I'm trying to wipe Veet onto my leg because I'm not about to abort my plan.
I gently pull my arms out of the shirt and slip it over my head. As I swing the arm with the Veet sprayed on it it accidentally wipes across the BACK OF MY NECK!!! (thank god my hair was in a ponytail!!!!!)
me: oh my god!!! it's on my neck. (as my hands are COVERED with Veet)
D: uh oh, it's everywhere
me: ok, ok, ok, ok, (trying to think fast - I start smearing the last of the Veet on my leg)
me: turn on the faucet!!!
Luckily I get my hands rinsed and wipe off my neck, praying none got in my hair. I get in the shower, squeegee it off, shave and shower. Legs as smooth as a baby's butt.
In the end everything turned out ok. But that damned Veet is haunting me. I still say stay away from it...
And then remember the not-so-positive Veet product review?
Well, you know I'm cheap and that Veet cost me almost TEN bucks!! So even though it sucked I wasn't just going to toss it (although in retrospect I should have...) Well, I thought I found a use for it this past weekend.
Time to 'fess up. Here it was, January 5th, and I hadn't shaved - anything- legs, pits, nothing - since Christmas Eve. Yep. It's official. I'm disgusting. Go ahead, send sympathy cards to my husband. I won't be upset. I'll remind you too, I'm a brunette. A real one. That hair was so long it wasn't even sticking out anymore. It was starting to lay flat. I'll stop - I know I'm grossing you out.
Now you men and other brunettes know you can't just go whacking that shit off with a razor. It has to be trimmed first. I should note here that the last time I shaved before Christmas Eve was December 14th - the day of my surgery. I know, gross again. On Christmas Eve I DID try to just shave it off. I damn near set my leg on fire with razor burn. This is how I know you can't just shave it off.
I digress - So I decided "ah ha!" I'll get out that Veet and at least soften it up a bit. Perfect! I'm not lookin' to get it all off. My plan was to 1) remove pants 2) apply Veet 3) wait appropriate amount of time 4) jump into shower 5) remove with squeegee doo-hicky thingy 6) continue on with normal shower and shave as usual.
Sounds easy, right?
Wrong.
At the time I had on pajama pants and thermal DMB shirt. I removed pants but kept on top - it was cold!!! I picked up Veet can, held with right hand and proceeded to spray into left hand. Except it didn't go into my hand! It sprayed up and all over my sleeve of my DMB shirt and then into my hand! AH!!!
me: David!!!! get in here!!!!!
D: (running breathlessly into bathroom) what's wrong? (looking around, trying to assess situation)
D: why don't you have on any pants?
me: never mind!!! (with now a handful of Veet CHEMICALS!! trying to figure out plan) I need help!!
D: what do you want me to do?
me: ok, ok, ok.... ok. (wiping handful of Veet onto leg, thinking) I'm going to take this shirt off and I need you to take it downstairs and start a load of laundry with it, ok? I don't want it ruining my shirt.
D: ok
me: here's the problem. I have to get this off because in 6 minutes I'm going to have a MAJOR chemical burn problem! got it??!!! I need you to hit the start on my watch - I'm still going to time this.
D: got it! (he fumbles with my watch trying to get timer started.)
Now I'm trying to wipe Veet onto my leg because I'm not about to abort my plan.
I gently pull my arms out of the shirt and slip it over my head. As I swing the arm with the Veet sprayed on it it accidentally wipes across the BACK OF MY NECK!!! (thank god my hair was in a ponytail!!!!!)
me: oh my god!!! it's on my neck. (as my hands are COVERED with Veet)
D: uh oh, it's everywhere
me: ok, ok, ok, ok, (trying to think fast - I start smearing the last of the Veet on my leg)
me: turn on the faucet!!!
Luckily I get my hands rinsed and wipe off my neck, praying none got in my hair. I get in the shower, squeegee it off, shave and shower. Legs as smooth as a baby's butt.
In the end everything turned out ok. But that damned Veet is haunting me. I still say stay away from it...
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