Ok fellow legs shavers. most of this story will probably sound familiar to you... hopefully the last part will not...
picture this:
I'm in the shower. Left foot propped up on the shower wall in front of me. Leg all lathered up ready to be shaved. Thigh gets shaved first because otherwise as I lean forward to shave my shin my boob rubs off shaving cream. (yes, my boobs are big enough to rub against my thighs... smartasses....) I've been shaving since I was about 11. I have this down to a science.
I start shaving said left thigh. I need to rinse the blade. Due to the way I have the shower pointed I need to reach across my left thigh with my right hand to get the blade under the heaviest stream of water that is showering down on the left side of my left thigh.
got all that?? it's very important!
Somehow (and I stress the "somehow") I manage to hit my boob with the razor as I move it across my body to the water.
At first I'm thinking "careful there Tex!!! not smart to go slicin' off the nipple!" Then I go back to shaving. A few minutes later I go to rinse the blade again and notice that MY NIPPLE IS BLEEDING!!!!
I CUT MY NIPPLE WITH MY RAZOR!!!
How in the F**K do you do that?? (aside from how I EXACTLY described it above??)
Yep. I did it. I cut my nipple. Just a nick, mind you, but I cut it all right. And like every other razor nick that bitch kept on bleedin'. Imagine me trying to keep pressure on it while still trying to finish shaving that leg and then the other leg!!! No kidding - it couldn't get it to stop bleeding when I got out of the shower either. I used a tissue and kept applying pressue with no luck.
Yep - I finally grabbed a band-aid, slapped that thing on and put a bra on over it to hold it in place. I'm guessing it finally stopped because it hasn't bled through the band-aid. I think that's a good sign.
And if I ever have kids I'm pretty sure I'm not going to even try to breast feed. Totally not worth it...
6 comments:
Holy shitballs, Jules. That shit ain't funny. You could have amputated yourself, then you'd be uneven forever. Yikes!
I think it is hysterical--being that you are not permanently scarred and all. And in defense of breastfeeding, I have never, never been bleeding as a result--even once the kids had a few teeth in there--no blood. Now I can't say the same for other people using my body (TMI I know). It does bring up a recoccuring nightmare that someone slices off a breast and uses it as a drain stopper in the kitchen sink. BOTTOM LINE--get a can of Veet or start growing that stuff out!
I have bled due to breastfeeding...not fun, not fun at all.
I have cried over breastfeeding.... and Mike let out a yowl for zookeeper on this one--he was like a butcher shaving his head the other day
only me... only me...
I'm a visitor who hopped over from SaraG's blog.
OWEEEEE!!!!! That made me just grab the 'girls' and yelp in pain for you! Ow!
Hooray for band-aids!
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