baby shower update...

well folks....

I didn't get asked the inappropriate question I was dreading. Although I'm sure one lady was close but I did a quick "duck and dodge" before she could get it out.

But also I admit I didn't mingle extensively prior to the luncheon starting... Aunt Ginny, Lucy, MB and grandma were there, along with cousin Dana. We all sat at the last table on the far side of the room and had our own "party"... That sort of gave me license (ok, not really - but that's my excuse) to plop my ass down and not mingle lots with said friends of the Aunt throwing the shower - lest I get pestered with "the question".

Aunt G and I were discussing good comeback lines you guys all shared - she loved 'em!

Thanks for all the great ideas. I promise they will not go to waste as we all know I'll continue to get the question....

Although Ginny agreed that I should feel free to respond "None of your fuckin' business."

I *heart* her! She's the one that gave her daughters t-shirts that said "boys are dumb throw rocks at them". She's quite the contradiction... happily married to the same man (Uncle Gino.. my F-I-L's brother - big bald Italian guy, works in waste management... ; ) for decades.

On another note David and I met up with a good friend of his from college (K) and his wife (N) on Saturday since they were in the state visiting. David was excited because he hadn't seen them since their wedding almost 10 years before. I, of course, have never met them. A while back David had given them my blog address and I guess N had been reading my blog on occasion. While on one hand I find that very neat - I LOVE reading other people's blogs!! - now that I was meeting them for "real" I was thinking "oh shit - they probably think I'm a flake.. or worse..."

ok - I guess I am a flake... and worse...

but I digress....

I do a bad enough job on a first impression sometimes, I don't need the added pressure of what she's read on my blog!!!! (I mean really - I've nicked my nipple with a razor for god's sake!! and WRITTEN about it!!!!)

But it turned out great! (or at least I thought so... maybe she's just a really good actress... ; ) And the weird thing is I can see why D and K were such good friends in college... I noticed the two of them were even wearing the same thing!!! (plaid-ish button up shirt under a zip neck pullover sweater.... ) they were just wearing different color schemes.... must be a NY enigneering uniform... me being from SC, I wouldn't know....

So I had quite an eventful weekend to gear up for a busy week. You may not hear from me for a while. I'm going to be bogged down in work this week and then I leave for my trade show on Thursday to launch my website I've been working on for the past 7 or 8 months (or so....). and then I'm going to DISNEYLAND!!!

really... I'm not joking.
I'm going to Disneyland.

So you really might not hear from me until after the holidays. Maybe before - but probably not until after. So just in case:

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!!!

blurrrrrr

I'm having one of those weeks where I can't remember what day it is... Not because of my can't-remember-my-zip-code-bad-memory kind of can't remember... It's the I'm-so-stressed-the-days-are-flying-by-so-fast-I-can't-keep-them-straight kind of can't remember.

And to top of this fabulous week I have a baby shower to go to this weekend. Not just any baby shower... a family baby shower. D's cousin's wife is prego and my MIL and I are going. At first I was pleasantly looking forward to going. (excited is too strong a word...) And then it hit me.

Shit.

I bet I get bombarded with "So, when are you and David going to start a family???!!" or some such iteration of the question.

We've been married approximately three weeks longer than the aforementioned prego couple and are a few years older. Not a good mix when it comes to "baby" questions - assuming you don't yet have them - which, of course we don't.

I want to reply with "none of your damn business".

Because it's not. But I shouldn't be so rude. But then again, they are by even asking...

Maybe we don't want children.
Maybe we're not ready.
Maybe we've been desperately trying since the moment we said "I do" and by asking they keep opening an emotional wound.

Maybe we don't have a clue just yet.

Regardless of the answer - it's none of their business...

Now I have some friends of mine - probably some of you reading - that have asked me this very question. If I've not given you an answer then I'll admit I'm probably not comfortable talking about it with you. Sorry. If I have given you an answer, well then I've obviously known you long enough and well enough to share. But I don't go around discussing this with everyone. And honestly - not everyone gets the exact same answer.

And I'll tell you right now - there is no one at this shower with whom I feel comfortable discussing my reproduction plans.

So - between work and this shower I'm a bit stressed.

And how am I really going to answer if someone asks???
"Oh, ... why, that's quite a personal question. (insert coy smile here). I'd rather not discuss it."

...and I'm really going to try and be nice about it and hope my overactive eyebrows don't give me away...

whoops...

Two weeks ago I deemed it officially winter by putting the electric blanket on the bed. Last year we got the fabulous Tempurpedic and for some reason I decided not to put the electric blanket on the bed last winter. I don't know why - just didn't.

Well, maybe because I was lazy. Because this year I had to untangle the stupid cords, plug into the blanket to test which control went to which side (one control for each side, you know), climb up underneath the stupid bed to split the cords, plug in the stupid thing....

Getting the impression this was all quite stupid? Well it wasn't stupid, per se, but I'm sure I looked stupid as hell, with my head under the bed, arse up in the air, trying to get it all figured out.

Once it was all settled I was sure I was going to be quite cozy. See, the best part of having the electric blanket is to use it to "preheat" the bed. It specifically has "preheat" on the controller. You set it to the highest level 30minutes before you go to bed and when you get in it's all nice and toasty for you. Never fear - ours automatically shuts off after 8 or 10 hours so you don't have to worry about burning your house down. And since it has the 2 controls it's really great for me and D since we never can agree on the temp.

So Saturday I wasn't feeling so great - sinus issues or something. I set the blanket, started getting ready for bed, popped 2 Benedryl and crawled in. Now it didn't take me anywhere near 30 minutes from when I turned on the blanket until I got in. When this happens I usually lay there until I start to get warmed up and then gradually turn the bed down until it's where I want it for the night. Usually in 3 minute increments... it heats up pretty fast once you're under there.

Well, I remember turning it down a few notches once....

The next thing I remember is D moving around. Now remember, we have the famous Tempurpedic - so he's really got to be thrashing for me to wake up.

Then I vaguely recall thinking, "Holy shit! I think I'm on fire! I think my skin is smoking...."

Then it hits me, while I'm fighting against my Benedryl coma, whoops... forgot to turn down the blanket....

The Benedryl musta kicked in and I never got around to turning down my side of the blanket. Meanwhile, D is hotter than hell and can't figure out why. (by the way, it's 2AM...) he turned his side of the bed off hours ago and is still burning up... not knowing that I conked out with my side still set to "inferno".

I'm baking, basting, something... on my side of the bed. I literally start wafting the covers to let out the heat that's trapped - I'm THAT hot. I start panicking... "Oh my god - will this melt our patented Swedish memory foam developed for NASA??!!!"

Never fear, gentle readers.... out Tempurpedic is still intact. But I now have legs like Christy Brinkley and a permanent tan from the neck down!!

My New Favorite Christmas Song

I'm having an issue getting the video to embed.... so you're just going to have to go to the link and watch it. But believe me - it's worth it!!

New Favorite Christmas Song

Habits

Ever notice a habit you have and wonder where/ when/ why it started? I was in the shower this morning, shaving my legs and noticed I do something odd.


Well now, if you're a longtime reader of my blog there's no questioning when or why this habit started.


October 6, 2007


If you haven't been reading that long you must read here and brush up to understand what I'm about to explain.

I'm shaving, got my leg propped up on the wall in front of me and reach across my body with the razor to rinse off the blade. While I'm rinsing I find myself cupping my exposed "girl" with my left hand.

Really.

It doesn't take me 2 seconds to process what I'm doing and why I'm doing it. I stop and think and realize I've been doing this... oh... probably over a year now and just now realizing I'm doing it.

Now I have a million other weird and funny habits. Not many of which I could probably explain the wheresits, whatsits, whysits, howsits and such. I do them just because I've done them that way forever.

But this one... this one I know why.... funny how we adapt...

Two of us couldn't figure this out...

Several months ago we had lightning hit our building. (did I blog about that? I can't remember...) Anyway it required us to purchase a new color printer as it fried our old one.

The color printer I'm referring to is a networked printer for the office. So it's medium sized, with big honkin', expensive ink cartridges and such - not some desk job that each of us probably has next to our home computer.

So about 2 weeks ago the printer started telling us it was about time to replace the black cartridge: "order black cartridge". Thanks for the heads up HP! So one day I catch CB and RR standing over the printer with the lid up messin' with the cartridge trying to compare the cartridge CB ordered with the one they're going to replace. Something is totally amiss. (apparently they've been standing there quite a while too...) The reordered one doesn't look ANYTHING like the one they're about to take out. So I stand there for even longer trying to see if there's anything I can contribute to the situation.

There isn't.

So CB calls the office supply place, explains the situation and they tell her:
1) you don't need to replace the cartridge when it first tells you, it will stop printing when you must replace it. Wait until then - and
2) we'll come over with the correct cartridge - something must be wrong with what the delivery guy dropped off - we'll fix it immediately.

Great. Office supply lady comes over, confirms what we have has the correct reorder number on the box but the product in it is NOT correct (how that happens I'm not sure), takes away the wrong product, drops off a box with the correct reorder number. We think we're good to go.

So today apparently by boss needed to print something in color. We (me and CB) find him going back and forth, irritated at the color printer wondering why it won't print. Ah ha - the black cartridge must have finally pooped out. dun-dun-dun-da!! (insert superhero music here...) Never fear - CB and I will take care of this!!!

I go to the printer, open the black replacement cartridge, open up the top of the printer and lo and behold - it's the same WRONG FRICK'N cartridge!!!

WHAT??!!

Anyone can tell the cartridge coming out is much smaller than the one they keep telling us to put in. We've checked the reorder numbers a million times the last time this happened. We're POSITIVE we have the correct numbers - it's right here in the HP manual!!!! What is it that we aren't seeing??

Then it hits me.

If this is the black cartridge, where are all the color cartridges located? Because all I see when I lift up the top is this one cartridge.

CB and I pause.... thinking....

Frantically, in tandem, I start flipping pages in the manual and she starts looking on the side for a way to get to the inside.

As I find the page in the manual, she finds the magic key. Like I found the location of the pirates treasure on the map and she found the actual treasure.

The whole front of the printer drops down, revealing FOUR FRICK'N HUGE CARTRIDGES!!!!

black
cyan
magenta
yellow

Huh, how 'bout that.

I reach in, grab the top cartridge, pull it out. It's the same shape and size as the cartridge we've been saying all along "isn't going to fit"!

Sure it'll fit - IF WE PUT IT IN THE RIGHT PLACE!!!!

This whole time we've been taking something out of the top of the printer, thinking it was the black cartridge, when in fact, it wasn't.

We still have no idea what it is. I can't find its description in the users manual.

The office supply lady clearly doesn't have a clue either because she thought we were right all along too.

So - when buying a new piece of office equipment it helps to read the WHOLE users manual... not just reference it for the reorder numbers for the ink cartridges....

duh....

Why I shouldn't multi-task

The other day I called a colleague and while the phone was ringing I decided to email my husband some info before I forgot. You know me, if I didn't email D right at that moment I'd get finished with my phone conversation and what I needed to tell him would have vanished into thin air never to be thought of again. (No, really, I don't have ADD. I've been tested.)

So while I'm emailing it appears my colleague, Cari, is not in the office and her voicemail message begins. Great! more time for me to finish typing! The next thing I know I hear a beep.

me: Hi hon. It's me.

long pause. wait. momentary lucidity lapse... what am I doing? am I typing to D or am I leaving him a message?? SHIT?! I'm typing him an email! Who the hell's voicemail is this? Shit!! CARI!

me: Oh my God, Cari... sorry. I didn't mean to call you 'hon'. Sorry. (my speed of talking proportionally increasing with my embarrassment) I'm so embarrassed. I'm typing an email to my husband and got confused. Oh, never mind. Sorry. Oh my god. Call me back.

Lucky for me Cari is the sort that would find that funny. Still embarrassing on my part, nonetheless. Next thing you know I'll be ending work phone conversations with "love you". You just watch...

I'm slackin'

WOW! I'm slackin'. Sorry folks. I would say lots going on... there is and there isn't. I'm just going to work, the usual grind, ya know? But no funny stories to tell. I haven't gotten caught pickin' my nose, my pants haven't fallen around my ankles in public, no one's mistaken me (again) for a 40-something-year-old...

I've just been working. And it's not even really been fun lately. That's really just about it.

It's sad, really.

So I'm still here - I haven't fallen off the face of the earth. I just don't have anything to share at the moment. When I do I will.

How old am I???

So I'm sitting on the sofa up in the concierge lounge enjoying a glass of Cabernet Savignon, a piece of chocolate cake, reading my latest book. The tabloid show ET is on the humongous flat screen TV in front of me. A guy is on the opposite end of the sofa, apparently doing what I'm doing - reading a bit here and there, watching the TV when it interests him.

Did I mention I'm in Atlanta for a trade show? Remember, I'm in the medical devices biz. Not the most sexy biz in the world. Especially this show. (I won't explain, just take my word for it.) I don't know if the sofa guy is here for the trade show. maybe, maybe not. I'm guessing he's in his mid-40's. He's a bit on the "intellectual" side. Balding on top - you know, the crown-o-hair, halo style, t shirt, cargo pant, worn tennis shoes. (although farbeit from me to make a style statement about someone...) I'll admit, I thought maybe I'd aged him a bit too old based on the hair. Maybe he's early 40's but after my brief interaction I'm sure he's at least mid 40's if not older. See if you agree....

So you know, ET does their "Celeb birthdays". Apparently sofa guy was listening and said to no one, but really to me "Can you believe Kate Jackson is 60 today?!"

Who in the hell is Kate Jackson?

me: I'm sorry? who?
sofa guy: Kate Jackson! From Charlie's Angel's! She was every teenage boy' dream! Man, you can't trust anyone HALF her age! Can you believe it?! (said as though he was clearly one of those teenage boys)
me: oh... (smile weakly.)

Did I mention I'm THIRTY TWO!!!!

Now if I was a witty person I would have said: Sorry I don't know who you're talking about, I was only toddling around when that show was on.

But alas, I'm not witty. Well, I am - 15 minutes after a situation occurs. But I don't think the term for that is "witty" anymore. I think it's "lost opportunity".

Am I upset at this? Hell no! I'm pissed!! How freakin' old does this guy think I am??!!! I mean c'mon! Sure, I have my glasses on, but folks I'm not creased from years in the sun for god's sake! This guy was talking to me as if I were his contemporary!

I've never had an issue with my age. I never had an issue with getting older. I WELCOMED turning 30. Really - I did. But this is f'n ridiculous! This guy was treading on really thin ice. It's one thing to get mistaken for being within a few years of your actual age. It's quite another for being mistaken for being DECADES older than your actual age.

I think I'll chalk it up to sofa guy being obviously socially inept.

Taking a poll

I have a question about the election for you guys - but it's not really a political question, per se...

I've noticed lately that all the state and local people running for office in my area have been campaigning (as they should) but NO ONE is mentioning their political party affiliation in their ads or signage. Is that happening where you live??

I'm just curious. I don't recall that being the case in previous elections. I mean, it could have been the case and I just didn't notice it - but I don't believe that was the case.

This year - NOTHIN'. In order to find what ticket a candidate is running on you have to research it. Nobody is 'fessin up!

Why is that?
- don't want to align themselves with a particular presidential candidate (or current prez...)?
- don't want people to assume their stance based solely on party affiliation?

But by not saying doesn't that make it harder for voters to possibly even find their candidate on the ballot thereby not getting voted for at all?

I don't know, I'm not political analyst, obviously. It just seems like a weird tactic.

I might as well be a hooker...

Last night I helped out Crazy Pet Lady, rather, CPL's mom by being a volunteer at a March of Dimes fundraiser. I actually had a blast. What a great cause!!! I should probably get to the point as I don't want anyone thinking I'd rather be a hooker than volunteering for a great cause... I'm not that self-centered...

So "mom" signed us up to be greeters, you know, grabbing all the rich people as they enter the hall, explaining all the places where they can easily part with their money for a good cause. Of course we're lookin' hot in black skirts and button up white shirts... CPL, as always with all 5'11" slenderness of her with her naturally curly hair and fallin' out tatas (sorry girl - you know I had to throw that in with you and you're mom making unbutton one more button... ; ) and me I've got the "hot for teacher/ Palin" thing going on 'cause my contacts have been giving me hell lately so the glasses are on and I'm wearing one of CPL's tight shirts. (all my white ones have company logos on 'em). We're both wearing our f-me boots. we didn't plan it - we just have a knack lately for dressing the same (although it's usually just at the gym...) BTW - I can look like Palin - just don't call me Palin - them are fightin' words...

I digress... and no, the f-me boots reference has nothing to do with the hooker reference... I'll get to that...

So at one point everyone has arrived and our greeter job is done. One of the MofD women ask if we could help pick up these little plates - they're running out and need help.

Now let me clarify something here. The benefit is being held at a facility that has a hired wait staff. The benefit itself has about 10 volunteers like greeters, people helping out with the auction, coat takers, etc... But hey, if the hired wait staff needs help we'll pitch in - no problem! We're here to help, right?!

First of all, I've never worked in food service. And second, do you know how clumsy I am? I was nervous when asked to do this but I wasn't going to say no - I was here to help. No one said I had to pile stacks of plates up my arm and take them to the back. I would just grab what I could even if it meant I had to make several trips. It can't be that hard, right?

The benefit was set up for food with small plates. There were trays set up in the corners where people were supposed to take their dirty plates when they went up for more but no one was. No one gave me and CPL any direction - they just said clear plates off tables. So we grabbed plates and started to stack them on the trays in the corners.

Well, well, well...

Apparently one of the hired wait staff saw us doing that and ran over and laid into us right in the middle of the benefit. (yes - she knew we were volunteers, not hired help)

"You girls can't be stacking all those plates on my tray! I can't lift that tray with all those extra plates! Plus you're gonna make it all fall over! You need to take those to the back in the kitchen!!"

On top of being stunned I didn't want to make matters worse by saying anything - or make myself look like an ass too. I kept my mouth shut. CPL and I looked at each other and returned to collecting plates.

With the next batch we went to try to figure out how to get into the kitchen. We hadn't been back there before. We apparently walked around our ass to get to our elbow but finally found it. In the meantime getting an earful from another "high ranking" employee about how we didn't have to go all the way to the back to get there. We got stiff direction on how to use the doors that connected to the dining area.

Ok - got it. Again, even out of earshot from attendees I kept my mouth shut. I wouldn't want to embarrass CPL's mom. Not that she knows any of these people - but I'm here trying to volunteer and help out. I decided (for once) to just shut it.

So CPL and I went out again to grab plates. This time I made it back to the kitchen before her. (probably because I didn't trust myself to carry too many - CPL has food service experience....I do not.) As I set the plates down I turned to hurry out to collect more - that's what they told us - grab as many plates possible! they're running out!!- the "head boss gal" grabbed my plates and said:

"hey volunteer! you have you clean the plates!!" as she's violently shaking off any contents of each plate in between words, into the trash

"or we can't wash 'em!!" loudly tossing a dish to the washer

"you just can't leave 'em here!!" I can't believe the dish didn't break

"next time" throwing back another plate, huffing as if this work is literally going to cause her to have an aneurysm on the spot

"clean off your plates!!" emptying off another plate and tossing it back.

And let me be clear. She was almost yelling this to me with the meanest, gruffest, bitchiest, tone I have almost ever been talked to in my whole entire life.

I stood there watching the whole time. I was stunned. It was like a train wreck. I couldn't look away.

As I finally turned to leave she grabbed a stack of clean plates and said "take these outside and put them anywhere".

Right. bitch. I know where to put them.

Now I don't know what gets into people. I'd have been happy to scrape those plates. I'm not one iota above it. But don't F'in treat me like a piece of garbage. No one deserves to be treated like that, volunteer or paid employee. As a matter of fact - I'm not even getting paid to scrape plates and I'd be happy to do it. I'm helping YOU out, lady since you're the one getting the pay check. Granted, it probably sucks. But if you were a little nicer it'd do it for you. But if you're gonna act like that forget it. Do it your damn self and I'll go over here and do my cushy little volunteer job and let you sweat it out.

But I'll tell what - if that's what working in food service is like - it SUCKS. It SUCKS big time!! It SUCKS so big time that I might as well be a hooker....

Losing it...

I stopped on the way to work this morning to get gas. I used my debit card and it asked for my zip code. I hesitated but plugged it in. It told me to see the cashier. I went inside and she told me my card was declined.

WHAT? I panicked.

She said it doesn't tell her why just that it was declined. I sheepishly told her that I wasn't sure I put in the right zip code.

Sure, that could make it decline the card but she couldn't say for sure since it doesn't give a reason. She reset it and allowed me to give it another try.

I went back out to the car still in a panic.

What the frig is my zip code???!!!

I tried calling D but he was in the shower and not answering his phone. I started panicking all over again. I started going through things in my car...

What would have MY zip code on it??

Business card? nope

Anything in my planner?? nope

SHIT!!

Anything in my wallet....

I open up my wallet and DUH!

My address is on my drivers license.

Sure enough, I had typed in my zip code wrong. This time I put it in correctly and it worked just fine.

What the hell is wrong with me?? First I can't remember my zip code and then I can't remember where in the hell to find it?!

I should have turned around and gone straight home and just started my day all over...

WOW!

Well, if I knew that last post was going to get FIFTEEN comments I would have... well, I don't know what I would have done any different.

Y'all know I'm not much into blogging about politics but Palin really has me, well, concerned. As a person she seems really sweet and nice - don't get me wrong. But there's a HUGE difference between people I find "nice" and those that I want second in command of my country. Even more so if I'm exceptionally concerned that the guy first in command might not make it through his full tenure.

Winking is cute for a hockey mom. Being "folksy" makes for an adorable hockey mom.

Those traits do not instill confidence coming from a world leader. That's all I'm sayin'.



OK - done with politics. Who wants to move the discussion to the economy??
just kidding...

Just wonderin'

Did anyone else notice that Biden got choked up when he started talking about his wife and child that died many years ago? Has anyone else noticed today, through reading commentary of the debate, that NO ONE has brought that up?? How come every vulture jumped on Hillary when she got choked up??!!!

(if they have I haven't seen it yet)

I'm not saying that he shouldn't have... I'm just pointing out that no one's mentioned it yet. Hillary got a new drilled a new you-know-what, got called weak and chastised for showing emotion.

I don't care your politcal views - I find it interesting it being harped on when Hillary did it and I haven't heard one iota yet when Joe did it.

just sayin'

Palin vs Biden

WHY IS SHE WINKING AT ME??!!!!!

STOP WINKING AT ME!!!!!

Maverick who??
Isn't that a bad western with Mel Gibson and Jodi Foster??