It's over

Yesterday I took Cabby to the vet and today I had to put her to sleep.  She hadn't been eating for a week.   We thought it was kidney disease.  In fact it turned out to be cancer.  Since she wasn't eating my decisions were to put her to sleep today or literally wait for her to starve to death on her own.  I took the humane route.

I've never had to make this decision before.  I had always half-joked with the hubby he was going to have to take the pets to the vet for their "last visit".  When I was 16 my favorite cat, Fuzzy, had to be put to sleep under emergency circumstances.  It was heart wrenching.  I can tell you exactly what happened that night like it was yesterday.  My other childhood cat peacefully died in our neighbors rosebush several years after I had gone to college so it wasn't as much of an emotional shock.

For any of you that have yet to experience this life-passage event I can tell you it was peaceful.  My Aunt Honeymooner had made me a homemade flannel throw blanket last year.  The note said she made it for Cabby because she was afraid she'd freeze to death - this after her visit to our house right after I'd shaved Cabby for the first time.  Cabby loved it and claimed it as her own.  I thought it only proper to take her to the vet wrapped up in that blanket.  I absolutely did not want to take her in a cat carrier.  That seems to terrify every one of my cats - I wanted Cabby as comfy as possible.  She loved it.  They put in a port IV in her little paw and I was able to hold her in the blanket in my arms when they gave her "the" injection. 

Cabby - actually her "real" name is Cabernet - had been my kitty since 1999. She was 4 at the time.  April of my senior year in college, as a matter of fact.  She was part of the three day car trip my dad and I took to CO when I started grad school.  If you haven't already heard it there's the story my dad likes to tell about Cabby.  I had to drug her for the trip out west.  My Ford Escort was so packed that she was in a soft-sided carrier that only fit between the two front seats, on top of all the stuff.  Her carrier was literally shoved between the seats, on top of all the stuff, rubbing the roof of the car.  Come to think of it - that was a pretty nice view of the road.  If only she were sober enough to appreciate it.  Dad likes to tell it that we wouldn't hear a peep from her in hours.  Then all of a sudden she'd give a long, low, roaring meow.  Dad would look at her and she'd be glassy eyed and drooling.  For some reason that amused him.

Once in CO Cabby thought she had it made until I went out and got Ries.  A two WEEK old kitten.  At that point I think she thought she'd died and gone to hell.  But somewhere along the line they found a truce that held until the end.

While in CO I constantly changed living arrangements.  She and Ries handled it pretty well.  (for the 2.5 years I lived in CO I lived in 4 different places.  Not counting the whole winter holiday I lived in Christy and Anne's basement and they let me bring the cats with me...)  And then there was the time I brought in a dumpster cat....  oh wait - that cat was already there when Cabby, Ries and Nikki showed up at the airport having been shipped from CO.....  And then the time I started dating "that guy" who eventually brought his gray cat over to live with us...  and never left...

She'd been air-shipped from CO to OH.  She'd been on the car ride from hell from OH to NY...  After a few years in NY she went blind.  Poor cat.  Apparently the cards were stacked against her. 

But she had a great little life. We took care of her best we could - even when that meant putting her in a huge cage by herself to keep her safe and healthy.

It was lunch time when I decided that today would be her last day.  I went back to work but I was worthless.  I came home after 1.  I snuggled with her in her blanket, on the sofa, until it was time to go. 

I loved her lots.  I'll miss her.