Oh, where do I start??

This past week I was in Hot-lanta for a wonderfully exciting trade show. (insert sarcasm here....) Monday my company had a holiday - but I didn't. I was on a plane. Fun, fun.

Well I'm not sure where to start describing this adventure - so you're just going to get it in chronological order.

Trying to get anywhere on a plane these days requires the patience and understanding of a celibate priest in a strip club. I was supposed to land at 2 which gave me plenty of time to check into the hotel and get the booth set up at the trade show before the show floor at the convention center closed at 5. Well, our plane was delayed due to weather so they announced we had a 2 hour delay. With that kind of time I decided to trot my rear end up to the "lounge" (aka: US Air Club. My company pays for a membership for manager for just this occasion...) sit down, get a cup-o-joe and read my new "The Lost Symbol" from Dan Brown. No sooner did I get comfy with my cappuccino was there an announcement in the club.

SURPRISE!! The flight to Atlanta decided to board NOW!!!

So me and two other guys hoofed it back down to the gate. We were the last three on board. As we were getting our our boarding passes the attendant said that we were still not scheduled to leave until almost two hours later. But they have a plane coming in that needed to use the gate. So they were forced to board everyone just to have us taxi out and sit on the tarmac until they got the clear to go.

Really. We sat out on the frickin' tarmac for over an hour.

After that fun delay I ended up having to go straight to the convention center to set up to ensure I was in and out before 5. Man - you have never seen me hustle like that! A newly-minted-wife friend of mine TPS was due to pick me up at 6 to meet for dinner. Luckily I had enough time to jump in the shower because I was DISGUSTING! I was sweaty from rigging up the booth and covered in a general "travel grime" that one accumulates when traversing our country's fine airports.

Now I should mention that I was gone for 4 days and only took a carry on. I only bring basics. One way I cut down is that I only bring one "real" bra. (I also had sports bras for running...) What I didn't count on was getting all sweated up in it while being in a hurry to erect the booth. I got out of the shower and went to put my bra back on only to realized the bottom band had a one inch WET sweat stain around the bottom!! (going up into the overly zealous padding too!) So here I am standing neckid' in my hotel room the bra hanging on the towel hook on the back of the bathroom door using the hairdryer to dry my bra.

I know what you're thinking - I should have just worn a sports bra.

No can do. These "real" bras of mine really set the girls up and out. It was imperative that I wore THIS bra.

So here is where I want to apologize to TPS. Little did she know I was wearing a completely grossed out bra all during dinner. I hope that now knowing this she isn't too terribly offended...

By the way - Congrats on getting married TPS!!! ; )

During the days of the show I encountered many funny things. Unfortunately there really aren't many that I can accurately portray in my blog for you to get the same effect. Suffice it to say - trade shows are great places to people watch.

I thought you should know - JD owns a slip.

It just occured to me on this trip . I have one skirt that isn't lined. When I wear it in the winter it always sticks to my tights so I went out and bought a slip just for it. When I was getting dressed one morning for the show and put it on I had to laugh. 1) I can't remember the last time I had a slip in my possession and 2) I'm still flabbergasted that I own one.

There was one incident at the booth that I can tell...

As you know, New Yorkers (specifically the NYC and surrounding area, including NJ) are famous for being so inexcusably rude. I'd like to clarify here that I was primarily raised in the Midwest....

I was working the booth and these two guys came up. Their badges said they hailed from Staten Island. So, trying to make conversation I said, "Staten Island, eh? I'm from NY too!" (me smiling from ear to ear, pointing to the city on my name badge.)

One guy looked up at me and said (in a tone that was a mob boss with his best 'I-don't-give-a-shit' snarl) "Yeah? Good for you." and returned to looking at the product on the table.

Ok then. Fuck you and get away from my table, asshole.

And New Yorker's can't understand why they get a bad rap?!?!?

To make matters worse I went back to the hotel to continue reading my book. I turned the page and found this:

Yep - a big fat hole in the middle of the page of my new hard cover $30 book!!!!

Oh, I'm not done. I still had to get home from Atlanta. I might have mentioned that air travel is a bit of a chore these days....

Here is the shortest version of the long tale of getting home.

Facts:

- coincidentally the boss and I are on the same flights home. Leave ATL around 5:30pm. to Philly and then a flight that get us home around 9:45pm.

- We leave the convention center with plenty of time to get to the airport, eat, waste some time etc. We end up arriving at the airport between 2:30 and 3pm.

- fate decided that we were NOT going to be on those flights. But fate forgot to inform the two of us...

While the boss and I are eating I get a message telling me my flight is late, therefore I'm going to miss my connection, call the airline to make changes. Ok. So I call and while I'm on the phone get them to change the boss' too.

We go to the gate to get new boarding passes. We're told they oversold the flight in order to get us on so they can't assign seats yet. Until they can assign seats they can't print our connection boarding passes. Great.

We sit and wait. and wait...

Announcement: "Your flight is delayed. If you have a connection before 7pm come up for reassignment." Whew - our connection is at 10:15pm so we will be fine.

We wait. and wait...

Announcement: "Your flight is delayed longer. If you have a connection before 8 come to the desk to get reassigned." And then they proceed to rattle of a long list of names - ours being two of them.

We get in line because we're guessing that we're getting seat assignments since so many people aren't going to be on this plane after all. We get to the desk and the boss and I each hand him our tickets since we're on the same flights. He sees my name and my destination city and asks where I live there. He used to live here years ago but now resides in Atlanta. Turns out he went to high school with my husbands aunt! He lived in a house behind them growing up!!

Small world. We walked away with seats for our first leg of the trip and first class seats for the longer second leg! I know you know this - but it pays to know people.. ; )

So we sit back down and wait. and wait...

Announcement: "Your flight is delayed even longer. Good luck suckers!"

Our only option is to wait for this flight and go to Charlotte (oh, did I mention we're going thru Charlotte now?!?!) and if we miss our connection to grab hotel rooms there. So we board the plane and they taxi out. While on the tarmac the pilot comes on the intercom and announces they decided to delay planes due to weather. (again) We hope to get off the ground in about an hour....

Are you frickin' kidding me?!?!? We proceed to sit on the tarmac. again.

SO - we finally take off. While in the air they tell us "We'll be landing at gate B." First good news of the night - our connection is in gate B. This is important because we're going to be cutting this close.

Our wheels touch down at 10pm. Our connection is at 10:15. I'm already resigning myself to the idea of spending the night in Charlotte.

Announcement: "If you're connecting to Providence, Minneapolis or Julie's city, they have put a 10 minute hold on your planes. You need to deplane here and go DIRECTLY to your gate as fast as possible."

Here we go.

By the time I get off the plane the boss is no where in sight. I'm looking around to orient myself with the concourse to see which way I need to run. That's when I realize we're not in B, we're in C!!

I have to now SPRINT down the length of C, through the middle common area of the airport and partly down the length of B. Essentially - ACROSS THE AIRPORT.

...with my computer book bag on my back smacking around because I didn't have enough time to pull the straps tight.

...pulling my suitcase. Thank god for roller bags!!

I round the corner and see the gate and the boss getting ready to walk down the jetway.

WE MADE IT!!!

(In my defense the boss was sitting much more towards the front of the plane than I and got a considerable head start....)

I settle into my first class seat and....

...sit on the tarmac for another hour.

I'm not kidding.

We touched down at home at 1am this morning.

I'm exhausted.

So don't expect me to be on the computer much this weekend. I'll be sleeping.