Shapers: Why Spanx is worth the money and Miraclesuit can kiss my ass

Ah, the "gown". Did I mention I'm going to a ball tomorrow night?? I did forget to tell you that it is a Mardi Gras Ball in Mobile, AL. So that is the reason/ purpose of the ball.

This "gown" is a dark plum, one shoulder, clingy thing. (Apparently I was having a good body image day when I purchased it. That or I just wanted to get the hell out of the mall.) The "clingy" part is what ended tripping me up. Note - it's clingy - not tight. BIG difference.

I got it home and decided I need one of those body shapers. I needed the one that looks like a unisuit (like we wear in rowing) without the bra and top straps. In other words, a uni that came up to the bottom of my boobs. Got a picture of it in your head? Attractive, isn't it??

The hubby and I were at the mall and I went to Macy's since that was the closest department store to where we parked. (See my shopping rationale? I didn't choose it because of the brands it carried or some other important characteristic.) I figured a shaper is a shaper, right??

WRONG!

I bought one, for $40, brought it home and tried it on with my dress. It didn't pull in my new stomach pudge and it actually wrinkled around that area too. (as it the "keep it up" material wasn't strong enough to actually keep it up.) Not to mention that it was IMPOSSIBLE to get on it the first place. I should have heeded the sales woman's warning - most people who buy these hate them and decided they aren't worth it and return them.

Now I understand. Trying to get into this ridiculous thing required one to be a contortionist- trapeze artist. And I'm not. Once in it you could still see seems and all the parts and pieces I was originally trying to hide in the first place.

Start body-hating temper tantrum... now.

I flung it off, cussing all the way. Swearing off all undergarments. I had even tried it on with a thin fabric, no seem thong and you could STILL see it's outline through the clingy fabric!!

COMMANDO IT IS! F-it if they can see my celluli-y butt through it. That's better than what thing looks like!

After sleeping on it a day or so I realized I should try at least one more brand to see if that's the problem. (Really I was just having second thoughts about the butt cellulite...) So I returned the one I purchased - which turned out to be made by Miraclesuit - and went to Lord & Taylor since they carry the Spanx brand.

First I almost backed out just because of the price. It was TWICE as expensive as the last one. Hell, I got my dress for just a smidge over $100!! I also got my wedding gown for only $199. It was my second choice but it was on clearance. I digress...

So I made the purchase and brought it home and tried it on with my dress.

lo and behold - it WORKED!

This one sets flush against my skin and doesn't wrinkle up anywhere. There are no seems. This one has a gusseted crotch so I can actually go the bathroom during the Ball ('cuz there was no way the other one was coming down once I got it on in the first place.) AND it has straps you can strategically place to help hold it up!

I was sold. I really hope to never have to wear it again - just on principle - but at least now I have one that really does SHAPE!! How 'bout that!

So - next time you're in need of a shaper my advice is to just bite the bullet and spend the money on Spanx. Don't waste your time with Miraclesucks. I mean, Miraclesuit.