You know, call me niave, but I like to think the best of people until they prove me wrong. If you think the worst then you're cynical and who wants to be cynical? or around someone who is cynical?
Now, I understand there are inherent risks invovled when you assume the best in people first. For example, at some point you're going to be disapointed. It's not a matter of "if but "when" -since no one is perfect. However, maybe a person's shortcomings only surface in instances when you're you're not around. And - depending on how much time you spend around a person, I guess there is a possibility that you may never see their flaws. But I doubt it. At some point it's going to come out.
Growing up I have been accused of being defensive. (although I'm not sure about this anymore. My mother is the only one that really called me defensive on a regular basis. If you know my mother, or my relationship with her then you're probably not surprised by this.) However, I have made an effort to try and correct this. Now don't get me wrong - if you attack me I will revert to my defensive behavior in a heartbeat. But who wouldn't do that if getting attacked??
I also have the habit of being a smartass. This has gotten me in trouble in the past. I have also worked on this too. I'm learning to keep my mouth shut lest I spout out a smartass remark. This is a two-edged sword, though. In my psych test I had to take for my current job (ok, no funny jokes here. EVERY new hire has to take the psych tests...), keeping my mouth shut was labeled as a negative. I was told that I have good things to say and I need to learn to say them, regardless of how other people take it. I hold too much back because I'm scared I'm going to say it wrong or people will take it wrong. It appears I need to find a comfortable median.
I think finding the true personality of a person is best done when they are under pressure or stressed. This is the true test - this shows you the real person. Not the fakey-fakey. Anybody can be fakey-fakey. When I'm stressed I think I really clam up - see previous comments on being a smartass. When I'm stressed is definitely the most likely time I'll say something that will really offend someone so this is why I've learned to shut up. Although continue to push my buttons and I will explode. I promise. No matter how hard I try, I will.
I have been very surprised at what I have learned from people over the years. I have met people that seem very high-strung and flighty - but when faced with extreme stress they calm down and become Zen-like. I have also seen people that seem composed and together that completely fall apart when the going gets tough. I guess you just never know what you're going to get. "Life is like a box of chocolates...."
And that's the hardest part for me. Since I'm always expecting the best in people I have to admit that I'm easily thrown when I get a negative reaction that I wasn't expecting. Although I'd much rather know the true person, even if it involves blow-ups, rather than the fakey-fakey person. The real person is more, ... well, real.
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