Pregnant Lady Tips for Non-Pregnant Ladies

Years ago in grad school a wife of a classmate was pregnant.  BTW - I'm talking about you, Mom Outnumbered....

I remember her sharing the secret of the rubber band waistband extender.  You know when you're not quite ready for those maternity pants.... you loop a rubber band through the button hole of your pants and wrap the ends around the button to extend out ever tightening waists.  Of course this method was intended for the growing stomach of a pregnant gal. 

However I decided to use it today on a pair of pants that I love - except I think they got the waist dimensions a little to trim in relation to the hip area.  Now they are MUCH more comfy.  And probably much easier on my digestion too.

Thanks MO!!

Day late and a (few) dollar(s) short

Last night I went to bed at 8.

Let me explain. I'm back on a daily migraine medication that, last time I was on it, made me REALLY anemic. This time around I thought I was doing ok. So well, in fact, that I donated blood Monday.

In retrospect I shouldn't have done that.

I had enough iron to donate but that sucked any extra I had right out of me. It took me all week to figure out why I was sooo exhausted. I just figured I'd had too much of the fam over the holidays. Duh.

Have you ever been so severely aenemic they make you take supplements?? I get so tired I want to sleep ALL the time. It's like being sick without feeling bad.

Well when I finally figured out what was wrong I started the iron supplements again (and other, ahem, supplements to go with it because iron supplements do quite a number on your GI tract. I'll leave it at that. You're welcome.)

So that's why I went to bed at 8 on New Year's Eve.

And today we drove 3.5 hours (one way) to go to IKEA to get the hubby new "fixin's" for his home office. I pretty much slept all the way there and back. (Except for right now. We should be home in 30 minutes.) And I think the iron's starting to kick in because I'm feeling better. But I suppose it could be all that sleep...

And now I feel like I could stay up until midnight tonight. Figures... a day late.

And did I mention the trip to IKEA??? That should explain the many dollars short...

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.5

why is it?

Why is it if I'm on a long road trip by myself I can drive for HOURS without having to stop and pee, but put me in a car with my hubby for 2 or 3 hours and I have to stop at least once, if not more.

Why is it I was sooo excited about getting Guitar Hero for my hubby for Christmas but can't stand for him to play it?? (I actually know the answer to this... it's because he's played it nearly NONSTOP since he opened it Christmas morning....)

Why is it I'm so excited to have family come visit for the holidays yet so happy to see them leave??

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.5

Trying to remind myself

I'm trying to remind myself of what's really important in life.  Because right now I just want to rant about stupid things.

Like the fact that I've been sick for OVER a week and a half.  ENOUGH ALREADY!  Can I just get better and get one good night's sleep without having to wake up in the middle of the night to a coughing fit, followed by gulps of water only to still go back to sleep sucking on yet another cough drop??

Side note:  This morning at 4AM I woke with the aforementioned attack and went back to sleep with a cherry cough drop in my mouth.  ('cuz I finally got smart and bough another flavor other than honey lemon because I'm sooo sick of that flavor after a bazillion days of it in a row...)  My alarm went off at 7AM and I still had that sucker (pun intended) stuck to the roof of my mouth.  (which I guess is better than having choked on it in the middle of the night.)  I sat up and had a tickle in my nose and then proceeded to let out a sneeze.  I'd say a big sneeze - but let's face it.  All my sneezes are big.  I'm no dainty sneezer.  Then I panicked and started looking through the comforter and blankets because I lost my cough drop mid sneeze.  You'll be happy to know I found it.  On the carpet.  Good thing I moved to cherry because a honey-lemon colored drop would have been harder to find on beige carpet.  just sayin'....

So - back to my rant.

And then I wake up with lovely 'stash zits.  These are the beauts I get when I wax my 'stash.  Sometimes I get them, sometimes I don't.  But I got them today.  Figures...  So I put some "adult blemish cream" on them.  (shouldn't that be an oxymoron??)  and they seem to be clearing up... still my luck.  I noticed one below my lip.  Which - by the way - isn't a 'stash zit.  Must be from my cold/ cough drop drooling in the middle of the night.  Hey - I never claimed to be pretty....

And then today I get sacked with cramps.  I hardly ever get cramps!  Are you KIDDING ME?!?!?  Isn't there some rule about kicking someone when they're down???

And now I just found another lovely pimple trying to make it's way in the crease of my nose.  Should've known that one was coming.  I've been blowing my nose all week.  I'm actually surprised it didn't show up sooner.

But of course all this happens during PRIME HOLIDAY PHOTO SEASON!!!!

Ugh!

Please do not be surprised when you see family holiday photos of me with a bag over my head. (red nose ringed with dry skin bits from all the nose-blowing, 'stash zits (and others), dark rings under eyes due to lack of sleep... you get the idea...)

I hope y'all have a fabulous holiday and please be sure to wash your hands and use LOTS of hand sanitizer!  You do NOT what I've had.  I promise.  Because it will linger forever and you will eventually get cranky as I have here. 

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

Best gifts ever

Think of the best gift you've ever received.  Maybe it was for Christmas.  Or for your birthday.  Or maybe it was great because it was a gift for no reason at all. 

And I bet the best gift was something of low or no monetary value. 

You may have gotten something really cool that was expensive.  My Nook is awesome!  And it wasn't cheap.  But it's not the best gift I've ever gotten.  (Sorry honey....)  It was a fabulous one, don't get me wrong!! 

I'd like to share with you some of the best gifts I've ever received.  (and I'm going to try to do so without crying at my desk...  because I'm a sap like that....)

• My "blankie".  Most people would call it their "baby blanket".  It was cotton, yellow with circus animals on one side with a blue backing.  It had yellow yarn ties every so often.  I carried it with me everywhere.  I only stopped using it at night because it mysteriously disappeared when we moved from our temporary apartment in SC to our house in 1991.  I don't think my parents did anything with it.  They knew how attached I was to it.  I think a kid in the neighborhood stole it.  Creep.  I believe mom said the lady who made it for me was in the hospital the same time my family was in the hospital for our car wreck in 1977.  I never knew you but thank you.  I loved it. (I believe she knitted my Christmas stocking for me as well.  It even has my given name on it, not my nickname.)
• Jelly Belly, my stuffed Raccoon from Aunt Dotty and Uncle Sam.  They gave it to me for Christmas, I think.  I was probably 5 or 6.  It was "the" stuffed animal of my childhood.  I could be found at any time with Jelly Belly and my blankie.  I still have him.  
• My "sick blanket" from Aunt Maxine.    It's actually a twin sized comforter that she made me when I was little.  But I moved to a bigger bed when I was about 9 so I used it as a snuggle blanket.  As I got older it was a great blanket to snuggle with when I was sick.  Aunt Max died several years ago. In grad school I noticed the blanket had started to get wear holes in it so I took it and had them patched up. (it was one of the few things I took to CO with me)  I don't use it as much any more since she's not around.  But I think I'll pull it out.  She made it for me to use, right?  That's why I got it patched, right?
• A "no reason" care package sent to me freshman year from Aunt Dianne.  There's a story here.  It was after dinner and the post office was packed.  I got a package and was so excited I couldn't wait to get back to my room to open it.  I tore into the package and something went flying out and up into the air in front of all these people in the post office.  When they landed I was horrified!  Aunt D had sent me several pairs of silky, lacey high cut panties from Victoria's Secret.  And they were lying all of the floor of the Clemson University post office in front of a bazillion students!!  Although always excited to get packages, after that I always waited to get them to my room first...
• And another great from Aunt D.  Just the other day I opened a package from her.  A fabulous box of CoCo Wheat!!!  In case you don't know what this is it's chocolate cream of wheat.  Apparently they only sell it in the mid-Ohio valley region.  I have never been able to find it anywhere else I've ever lived.  I grew up on this stuff.  Her kids grew up on this stuff.  We all love it!!  You gotta love her - she spent $5.70 on postage to send me something that probably cost $3 or less at the grocery store.  But that's the kind of gal Aunt D is!!!

Of course there are many more memorable gifts I received over the years.  I've probably already told you about some of these in previous posts but I didn't remember. 

What have been some of your best gifts ever??

Hope you don't get it

I hope you don't get what I have.

Last Sunday it started with a "rough" throat and sniffles.

Proceeded to a completely plugged head on Monday and Tuesday.  By Wednesday the plugged head was receding but a terribly sore throat set in.

By Thursday I had a clear head but the flames of hell were continually licking the back of my throat where my tonsils used to be.  Along with this came the lovely altered voice.  Not a sex, deep voice of a 900-number operator.  Nope, the gravelly voice of a 3-pack-a-day grandma.  This continued through the weekend.  The throat would try to get better but a hacking cough decided to take up residence that would re-inflame my trying-to-heal throat.

Today my throat does not burn.  For the first time in a week.  But I have the fabulous "dry heaving coughs".  (definitely not to be confused with just "dry heaves".  VERY different...)

Hopefully I will not wake up every three hours tonight wracked with dry coughs.  I'm pretty sure I'm tempting fate with the biggest choking hazard ever by popping a cough drop at 3am and laying back down to sleep....

mistyped text message

Actual text message just exchanged with the hubby. Note a few things:
- we live 7 minutes from the airport
- hubby's flight due to land at 6:45
- look at your keyboard. It will help explain...

Hubby (6:37): we just landed

Me: Yikes! I'm on the pot. Gimme a sex!

Me: Shit! I meant a "sec"!!!


Note to my gentle readers: I may a lot of things but I'm not into "that". It truly was a typo!

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.5

A good example...

Deep down I think my boss means well.  Ok, maybe not.  But I can say with certainty he doesn't mean any ill, for sure.  But this is what it's like working with him:

Our main office likes to do "fluffy" things.  So much so they actually have a club called the  "Happy Club".  Folks I can't make this stuff up.  Usually our office gets left out of their organized activities because, well, we're 4 hours away.  And we're fine with that.  None of us are too keen on driving 4 hours for an afternoon cookout with the rest of the gang.  And none of us really want to spend more than 2 - 3 hours of forced participation with the other 4 people in the office to entice us to organize our own party. 

But during the holidays the Happy Club events usually just consist of monetary handouts.  (I'm sure they have parties at their location but we'll be happy to just partake of the money.  We aren't kidding anyone here....)

So at Thanksgiving they sent me gift cards to give to my 3 people.  Oh, did I mention that managers are exempt?  Yeah - in my office there are 5 of us, 2 of us being managers...  But that's ok.  I'm not complaining because I know what they make and I know it means a lot more to them than it would to me.  (not that money isn't good to get no matter what your income...  but you know what I mean.)

For the "winter holiday" for some reason they sent a check to my boss for $150, not to me.  Which doesn't make sense because the purpose of the check is to cash it and give $50 to each of my 3 people.  Anyway he gave me the heads up so I could hand out the money at our "luncheon" this Friday.

I came back from lunch today with a Hallmark bag on my desk.  In it were 3 Christmas money cards and 3 - $50 bills.  Ok, I get it.  We discussed this.  So I go to sign each check "Happy Holidays from the Happy Club". 

I read the first card. "A little something since it's Christmas and because you're special" 

Cheesy but ok.  I sign it, stuff it with cash and move to the next card.  It's the same card.  ok.

Then I go to the third card.

Uh oh.  Houston, we have a problem.

My "Second-hand man" has worked here now three years.  It is no secret he is JEWISH!!!  And my boss just bought three CHRISTMAS cards!

No problem.  Luckily my SHM has a good sense of humor about these things.  I simply modified his card.

"A little something since it's Christmas it was Hanukkah and because you're special"

I hope he doesn't mind the green and red poinsettia theme of the card....

Note:  I went and told my boss to just stick to cashing the checks next year because he totally screwed up the card part.  From now on I'll take it from here...

almost made it!

I almost made it home without getting sick.  But at least it turned out to be a head cold and nothing nasty like a 24-hour stomach bug or strep throat. 

After I left Vegas I headed to CA and to Disneyland.  I met up with Woody's friend, festive Marly (Minnie's cousin) and Minnie....

Eventually I got Minnie to ditch the ears and take a "proper" picture with me.  I have even better ones but all these were taken on my phone and easiest to upload to the blog....

I had a great time!!!  It was good to see great friends and my brother (in the event you were wondering who in the heck "Minnie" was...) And I thought I should clarify since I've been told we don't look like we're related at all.  Which caused it's own set of issues when my brother was worried that people would think I was a cougar out with my "catch" at Disney.  - I hadn't seen him in so long and I'm so proud of him I couldn't help but keep hugging him!!

I would say my trip home was uneventful.  But it wasn't.  I took a red eye from LA to NYC.  In the middle of the "night" we got the dreaded "is there a doctor on board" announcement.  An hour or so later followed by the even more dreaded "folks, this is the captain.  Due to a medical emergency we'll be making an emergency landing in Oklahoma City.  Please stay seated and allow the paramedics to come aboard and assist the passenger off the plane."  Not sure exactly what happened but they did take an elderly Japanese lady off the plane.  She was unconscious and had several IVs running.  Her husband went with her.  They didn't speak a word of English.  I hope they made out alright.

But I'm glad to be home, even if it's ridiculously cold and still snowing.  I dodged the 24- hour stomach bug and the possible strep throat.  But I do had a fabulous head cold.  I'm blaming you Woody's friend!!! 

I should get back to my working on my budget for this thing they call my "job"...  ; )

overhead in the conf ctr bathrm

Girl1: eww! Can you believe the first people I saw in the exhibit hall were those guys from last night!

Girl2: really)!

Girl1: yeah! Last night they seemed normal then they would say something dirty! And then they would try and be normal again it was soo gross!

Girl2: give me an example of what they said!

Girl1: something like "hey would you check my pulse I think I'm dying or something"!

Girl2: oh really?!


Me (in my mind): are you kidding me?? That's dirty!! Y'all must be from Fargo or something....

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.5

Hate is such a strong word

Yet I can say with certainty I hate Las Vegas. It's totally not for me. I'm not even enchanted by all the glitz and glitter. As a matter of fact all that shit makes me want to poke my eye out with a pencil.

Where is the only place you can find people sooo excited to get their photo taken in front of a fake waterfall?? Or a mini Eiffel tower??? Or a lit up pyramid???? (Of all these the pyramid is the closest to the real thing. In Cairo they light it up at night, it sits right at the edge of a crowded metropolis and it's in the middle of the desert...)

And yet guess where I get to go at least once a year for work.

Yup. Vegas.

At least the Rodeo National Championships are in town while I'm here so I get to stare at lots-o-cowboys. I'm guessing Ty Murray is here so there's a good bet Jewel is around too. Too bad Vegas is such a big town....

On the sex front (not mine! The hotel neighbors.) seems there was a little action around 11:30pm last night but it didn't last long. Still the stupid porn screaming but not nearly as loud. I'm convinced a hooker's rented the room (did I mention I'm on the concierge level??). Must be a high priced "escort"... I'm surprised so early...Sunday's must be slow.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.5

Dear people in hotel room next door:

I understand we're in a hotel. (A business hotel, not a casino...) I understand people have sex. I understand it is customary for people to have sex in hotels, especially in Vegas. However it is currently 2:21am and I have yet another business meeting all day tomorrow. And your fake, porn-making sex noises are completly keeping me awake.

If in fact it is a production company truly shooting a porn next door at this hour I'm on the verge of suing for poor business practices. That or bad acting. The sounds coming from that room are the fakest sounds I've ever heard.

So I've concluded:
- it's some girl trying to please her man and she's learned everything she knows about sex from porn (including fake noises)
- they are actually shooting a porn next door
- or the pathetic schlep has hired a hooker.

Regardless - SHUT UP!!!

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.5

fun times on a plane

From JFK to Vegas I sat by this cute little girl on her way out to visit her Marine boyfriend. She turned 17 yesterday. What a baby! She's from "Wooster" Mass. And yes, she said things like "cah" and "hot-attack", etc...

I sort of met her boyfriend at baggage claim. He's a Marine so I expected a MARINE. But I forgot she told me he's only 20. Let's say he has a bit before he grows into being a full-fledged MARINE!! But they are so cute. Ah, young love. They're all huggy and kissy face. Her BF can hardly keep his hands off her - but then again he's been cooped up with a bunch of Marines...

We should all remember being young and in love. Ok maybe y'all do but I don't. And I should. It was definitely a good reminder for me.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.5

really????

Y'all know know I'm a terrible fan of the F-bomb. However I like to think I don't whip that sucker out in public, in the middle of strangers at the top of my lungs.

I'm boarding a plane and have already heard it TWICE in the aforementioned manner within ONE MINUTE!! Both times by adult men! Not almost-adult-men-still-of-college-age.... men definitely well over 30!

People please! Learn to control yourselves!

Geesh!

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.5

HELP WANTED!

I see a perfect career opportunity for some of you out there with this kind of talent and patience.  You girls - the ones who really know not only how to dress your body but the shapes and sizes of others too - the ones who really know how to choose great make up for yourselves but also for an array of other skin tones and face characteristics - you need to sell your services to us tomboys of the world.  I want to dress nice but don't have the care or inclination to do it myself.  I want to wear (a little) make up but I still don't have a clue.  And walking into a mall to put up with sales people literally makes me break out in hives.  (Ok, I lied.  I don't break out in hives.  I have panic attacks.  really.  I'm not kidding.)   And I don't want to dress like YOU or wear YOUR make up.  I want someone who can dress ME and pick out colors for ME.  Who's willing and what are you charging?  Cuz' I'm payin'!!!

When you can't do it yourself OUTSOURCE!

So I'm a make-up whore.

Or more realistically - a hoarder.  Because I own it but I can't put that shit on to save my life.  I end up looking like a ten year old got into her mother's make-up.  Why a 10 year old??  Because I have more dexterity than a three year old and a little more sense than to put red lipstick on my eyelids.  But that's about it.

I spent yesterday afternoon on youtube  (you know, youtube...) watching tutorials, just like Sephora Lindsey told me to.  And I found a great gal, oxfordjasmine, who does great natural looking tutorials based on eye shape.  (in case you're wondering I have extremely deep set, hooded eyes.  That damn side of my dad's family...  : P )  She does a great step-by-step that would be great if I were at level 2.  Alas I'm at level 1.  Or rather level 0.  I need someone to tell me what type of brush they are using.  I can tell she's changing brush shapes but I can't tell which in the video.  Plus the technique for the hooded eye looks simple but I'm afraid will take more dexterity than I can muster.  (at least for now)

And I can have all my friends in the world show me their eye tricks but none of y'all have eyes like mine. (not that I can think of off hand...) The first thing that comes to mind is when I asked my SIL do my eyes for my wedding.  Her make-up always looks great.  Let's say mine didn't turn out so great.  But I'll be honest - it's wasn't her fault.  She did my eyes like she's done her own for years.  Which would have been fabulous - if my eye shape were even half way close to hers.  Which they aren't.  So instead of my big eyes popping for my wedding photos I felt like they were smaller and even darker than usual.  Again - not her fault.  All it proved is that she's not a professional makeup artist.  (which she isn't)

I've had better luck with friends advising in the clothes department.  And I'm starting to know my body shape better over the years.  But I don't have "a look".  Which is the same for my house.  Which is why a fab friend of mine is going to help me by giving some suggestions - starting with trying to help me define what my decorating look "is".

Now I love things for cheap or free and I'd love to barter for services.  But I'm at a loss as to what I could trade for such services.  My first inclination is that I have power tools and know how to use them and that maybe either you don't have the tools or aren't comfortable using them.  But then that creates a logistical issue if I'm to teach you or create something for you.  But I'll still put the offer on the table.  My other "thing" is personal training for the beginner.  Strength training and running I'd say are my specialties.  Now I know most of y'all got men that know something about this too.  However, with the exception of WG, I'd say they don't have experience training women.  So if you'd like women's touch (albeit probably via email) I can do that too.

But the true lesson in all this - always count on friends because I've been fortunate to get fabulous photos to hang on my wall, I've traded furniture to freshen up a room, I have gotten great clothing advice!!! (I don't want the above to make it sound like I haven't), shoot - I've even gotten freshly canned tomato sauce!!!

Oh!  And I knit. I've given out a few scarves.  And a horribly overly-shappen sweater to my fabulous baby cousin in her first year of law school.  I figure it will keep her warm on those cold winter nights while she's studying up in Morgantown (when her boyfriend is also hard at work studying too and is unable to cuddle....)  Given my experience with my first adult sweater you might want to only request scarves (even pretty, light fashion ones, not necessarily to keep warm) and hats.  Oh and socks!  I do socks!!